|
Richard 'Aharon' Chaimberlin, Litt.D. |
Over a hundred years ago, way back in 1912,
the great Irish playwright, George Bernard Shaw, wrote the play Pygmalion. Eventually,
it was re-written as the play, My Fair Lady. It centered on a professor
of phonetics named Henry Higgins who is challenged to take a poor, Cockney-speaking
flower girl named Eliza Doolittle (played by Julie Andrews), and train her to
speak proper English and pass for an upper class woman. The play was re-written
as a musical, with the Jewish lyricist Alan Jay Lerner coming up with the
lyrics, and Frederick Loewe (another Jew) composing the music. It opened on
Broadway in 1956, and when it finally closed in 1962, it was the longest
running play in Broadway history (up until that time). In 1964, it was finally
put into film, with Audrey Hepburn playing Eliza Doolittle.
One
of the main subplots was the difference in the way that men and women think.
However, Henry Higgins is exasperated by this difference, saying, "Why
can't a woman... be more like a man?" While I can occasionally share
this exasperation, this is part of the grand design of our Creator. God
designed two very different kinds of individuals to come together in matrimony.
If they were both identical, then one of them would be unnecessary! I also
believe that we men are incomplete without a woman. She really completes us!
Men without women are often quite uncivilized. Even married men seldom speak
with multi-syllable words when there are no women around. We burp more often,
and are really quite primitive. However, with women around, we become civilized
human beings again. (Please don't tell the ladies what we are really like when
they are not around.)
Throughout
the years, I have had the opportunity to observe all kinds of women. I had a
mother, grandmothers, and female teachers. I had a sister, female neighbors,
and lots of female relatives. As I got older, I had girl friends, and
eventually married one of them while I was still in the army. She give me a
daughter, who is now also a mother! I am now in a position to tell you what I
know for certain about women: They are different from us men.
A
few decades ago, some radical feminists were trying to convey the idea that
most of the psychological and social differences between men and women were the
result of environment, and a male dominated society. They repudiated
gender-related behavior between little boys and little girls, and tried to blur
the personality differences between them. Little girls were encouraged to play
with toy cars, and little boys were encouraged to play with dolls. It got
really weird! This grand experiment fizzled. Boys continued to act like boys,
and girls continued to act like girls. I am happy to note that women and girls
now look and act more "feminine," and men and boys now look and act
more "masculine." However, there are some who grew up with confused
sexual identities as a result of the weirdness foisted upon them by their
parents and by society.
I
used quotation marks around "masculine" and "feminine,"
because there is a huge range of behavior and appearance that qualifies as
masculine or feminine. "Rambo" does not define masculinity, and high
fashion models do not define femininity.
Although
I don't understand all that there is to know about women, I do appreciate the
difference. If I didn't appreciate the difference, I would never have gotten
married! Marriage means a certain loss of independence, but everything that is
worthwhile "costs" something. There may also be some health benefits.
According to a recent survey, married men live longer than single men. (Or
perhaps it just 'seems' longer!)
The
first woman mentioned in the Bible is Chava (from the Hebrew word for 'living,'
as she was the "mother of all living").[1]
She was created from one of Adam's ribs. She wasn't created from his feet to be
trampled upon, or from his head to 'lord' it over him, but from near his heart,
to be loved and cherished.
You
won't find this story in the Bible: One day Adam came home late. Chava accused
him of being with another woman. Adam denied it, saying, "I have not
been with another woman. I can prove it. Count my ribs!"
Okay,
I will get serious again. Very soon after the creation of woman, God said (Gen.
2:24), "A man shall leave his father and mother, and shall cleave to his
wife, and they shall become basar echad ("one flesh"). This
meant that husband and wife should be bound together emotionally, spiritually,
and sexually.
The
next mitzvah (commandment) regarding marriage is found in Exodus 20:14,
which is the seventh of the Ten Commandments: "You shall not commit
adultery." In other words, "Don't mess around with another man's wife
or husband." The writer of Proverbs (6:27-29) wrote, "Can a man take
fire in his bosom and his clothes not be burned? Or can a man walk on hot coals
and his feet not be scorched? So is he who goes into his neighbor's wife.
Whosoever touches her shall not go unpunished." Also, "The one who commits
adultery with a woman lacks sense. He who does it destroys his own soul." [2] There are some who will insist that men in
high positions (such as president or prime minister) should be judged by their
performance in office, and not by their adulterous affairs or private lives. I
disagree. Stable civilizations have stable families. Those in high positions
can have a profound influence in breaking down the very foundation of stable
societies.
Also,
the ideal family unit is composed of a man, a woman, and the children. Children
need role models, and both parents can be role models. However, a boy especially
needs a male role model, and a girl especially needs a female role model. There
are many single-parent families, and they can indeed do a remarkable job in
raising the children, but it is very difficult. It can also be very
difficult with an intact marriage, if one of the parents (usually the father)
is not actively engaged with the children.
The Census Bureau pegs the poverty rate
among blacks at 35% and among whites at 13%. The illegitimacy rate among blacks
is 72%, and among whites it's 30%.[3] The poverty rate among
black married families has been in the single digits for 20 years,
currently at 8%. For married white families, it's 5%. Whose fault is it to have
children without marriage and risk a life of dependency? Do people have free
will, or are they governed by instincts? Having children out of wedlock is the
leading cause of poverty in the USA. Giving your children two married parents -
one man and one woman - provides the best possible environment in which to
raise your children, and is one of the best ways to guarantee that they are not
raised in poverty.
All
of creation is amazing. Every plant and ever creature is incredibly
well-designed. Most of us enjoy seeing pictures and videos of animals, and
enjoy interacting with them. However, we humans are the pinnacle of Creation.
We read in Genesis 1:26-28: "And God said, 'Let us make man in our image,
after our likeness, and let them have dominion over the fish of the sea, and
over the flow of the air, and over the cattle, and over all the earth, and over
every creeping thing that creeps upon the earth.' So God (Elohim) created man
in His own image, in the image of God created He him; male and female created
He them. And God blessed them, and God said to them, 'Be fruitful and multiply,
and replenish the earth..." When God said to "be fruitful and
multiply," He wasn't telling Adam to invent mathematics; He was talking
about procreation. Also, when He said to "replenish" the earth, it
was the hint of an earlier creation.
A
good husband praises his wife. An example of this is Proverbs 31:10-31. Many
Jewish men read this (or portions of it) to their wives just before enjoying
the Erev Shabbat [4] meal together. Women need to know that they
are appreciated and loved. One woman complained that her husband never tells
her that he loves her. He replied that he told her that he loved her at the
wedding ceremony. "And if I ever change my mind, I will let you
know." Well, this isn't enough. Wives need to hear, "I love
you," and often. In return, husbands get a happier wife, and a happier
marriage that can only benefit both of them.
"Date"
your wife. Take her to a romantic restaurant. Go on a vacation together. Give
her some non-sexual touching. Listen to her. That last one isn't always
easy. Women are great at relating all the details that you really don't
care about. But do be sympathetic to her cares, concerns, and fears. If
she is hurting physically or emotionally, comfort her.
Some
of the guys reading this might not be married, but someday, you may finally tie
the knot. If you are insensitive to women, that knot you tie may choke you. 73%
of the bachelors have already stopped reading this article. But if you are
among the wise, keep reading, and learn how to have a happy relationship with a
woman who may someday be your wife. By the way, love and romance should not
depart when the wedding ring goes on the finger.
Rav
Sha'ul (Paul) also had some words of advice for the ladies: "Wives, submit
yourselves to your own husbands, as unto the Lord. For the husband is the head
of the wife, even as Messiah is the head of the Congregation. But as the
Congregation is subject to Messiah, so also the wives out to be in everything." [5] He also said, "I want you to understand
that Messiah is the head of every man, and the man is the head of a woman, and
God is the head of Messiah." [6] At first glance, this all sounds very sexist.
Some of the ladies were real enthusiastic about this article until I "blew
it" just now. Please, give me a chance! These verses have indeed been used
(actually, misused) by some genuine "male chauvinist pigs" to
keep women under their thumbs while they pranced around like little dictators.
This is not the intent, as Rav Sha'ul explains in the verses immediately
following.
Women
have brains, and should be allowed to use them. It would be a tremendous hardship
on me if my wife demanded that I make all the decisions. Even in our marriage
and household, I let her make many, maybe most, of the decisions. However, in
areas that I feel very strongly about, I make the decision, which may
occasionally be at odds with my wife's opinion. However, since I let her make
so many decisions, she is supportive of me when I make a decision that she
disagrees with. Also, in placing wives under the headship of the husbands, Rav
Sha'ul was not stating that women should be submissive in areas contrary to the
Word of God. There are limits!
"Husbands,
love your wives, just as Messiah loved the Congregation, and gave Himself up
for her, that he might cleanse her by the washing of water with the Word,[7]
that He might present her to Himself as a glorious Congregation, not having
spot, or wrinkle, or any such thing, but that it should be holy and without
blemish. So also men ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He that
loves his wife, loves himself. For no man ever yet hated his own flesh, but
nourishes and cherishes it, just as Messiah also does the Congregation." [8] As I read this, I do believe that the ladies
got the better part of this deal. Yeshua the Messiah loved the Congregation,
even to submitting to torture and to the Cross, the most horrific method of
execution ever devised. We men are commanded to love our wives in the same
fashion. If any man still has a "dictator complex" after reading
these verses, he needs some help that I may not be able to give. He is missing
a real blessing, because these instructions give the "secret" to a
happy marriage. When the wife is happy, the marriage is happy. When the
marriage is happy, the husband is also happy. "Husbands, love your
wives."
It
is beyond the scope of this article to get into all the details. However, the
marriage of a man and a woman is also symbolic of the eternal love that God has
for Israel (as in the Book of Hosea), as well as Messiah's love for the
Congregation (as in Revelation 19:7-10). Because of its spiritual implications,
the relationship between husbands and wives is very important to our Heavenly
Father.
Scripture
does permit divorce (Deut. 24:1; Mat. 5:17-19; 1 Cor. 7:27-28). However, this
is His permissive will, not his perfect will. When divorce occurs, it
diminishes the symbolism of the eternal love that God has for Israel or the
eternal love that Messiah has for the Congregation. We do recognize that there
are times where divorce may be necessary. However, divorce should be the
exception, and not the rule. Divorce often creates more problems than it
solves. And many of the same problems that occurred in the first marriage are
often brought into the next marriage.
Successful
marriages don't just "happen." Successful marriages demand work. We
also recommend that husbands and wives read the Bible together and pray
together. The family that prays together, stays together!
[1]
In
most translations, Chava is called Eve or Eva, which is unfortunate, as Eve is
the name of a pagan goddess.
[2]
Proverbs 6:32
[3]
The
black illegitimacy rate only 14% in 1940, and illegitimacy among whites was
also very low at that time.
[4] Friday evening.
[5]
Ephesians 5:22-24.
[6]
1 Cor. 11:3. (See also John 14:28.)
[7]
This also means that we need to get the Word into us. Read the Bible regularly!
[8]
Ephesians 5:25-29